I think this is a name of a movie set in Alaska about alien vampires, but it was the best title I could relate to for the first 30 days after I had Livia. 30 Days of Night was so accurate that I decided to write a 30 day memoir of what my experience as a new mom was like. Granted, I had all the help I could get thanks to my mom and my husband, but the first-time mom fear and apprehension were both there.
I was scared I was going to hurt her when I changed her, I refused to touch her belly button for fear that I would get it infected, I thought I would dent her head in, I didn’t want anyone touching her, and I also thought I was a bad mom for going to get my nails done or working out. I felt like I needed to be quarantined.
This prompted my memoir as I wanted to remember those first 30 days. Not because I wanted a keen reminder of being an angry zombie, but because most experienced moms say they forget. They fall in love with their babies so much and enjoy watching them grow, that they forget those first 30 days and the trials and tribulations that one goes through out of love while learning to take care of a tiny human. I did not want to forget.
I still remember arguing with my mom about giving her a bath. My mom told me she dunked me in the bath just days after I was born. My new-mom syndrome had me thinking her skin was going fall off. Five months later, not only have I gotten soap in her eye while washing her hair (I literally thought she was going to go blind), but now she splashes away in her little bathtub and laughs every time she is placed in the water.
With that being said, I will be posting excerpts of those 30 days, not only so other new moms can relate to the feeling of being that new mom, but so I can look at what a ridiculous and emotional mess I was.